"It's not a habit, it's cool....

I feel alive
If you don't have it
you're on the other side
I'm not an addict (maybe that's a lie)"

Actually, I don't feel fine. I'm tired. I'm so freaking tired of reading about cigarettes and how someone who is addicted in turn regards them..... considers them friends or other such nonsense. I look at them more like a safety net.... but I hate that also. I realize how ridiculous that is. But I can't escape the fact that I associate myself with smoking first and foremost. I am weary of that identity. I can just image how everybody else sees me. Just the same or worse I am afraid.


I can breathe (for the most part)..... so what now? I'm really tired and want to sleep. All this amazing energy I am supposed to have eludes me. I am more exhausted then ever.