To sleep, perchance to dream......

It's been a few months since I remember what I dreamed. I have a couple of notebooks of strange dreams that I have had in the last year...... but lately there has been nothing I can remember. I am the type of person who has to write down their dreams immediately or I forget them. So not being diligent about this process is also a factor.

Another factor is that I am not sleeping well at all. I always had sleep issues but this is a whole different ball game. My sister told me that I had a problem over memorial weekend....... otherwise, I would not have known, I live alone. She said it sounded like sleep apnea. Maybe that's why I have been so fricking exhausted.

I had my first sleep study last night. I wasn't as freaky as I thought it would be. Yet, I did have a feeling of dread on the onset because of the hospital feel of the center. I spent a lot of time at the hospital last year when my father was ill. (More on that another day, it deserves it's own post). I'm a world class worrier. I thought; "what if I can't fall asleep?" "What if I say something really stupid in my sleep?" What if nothing happens at all, this will be for naught and I will still be fatigued with no answers?" These thoughts strangely didn't help me to get to sleep. It took me about 2 hours. This was after I relaxed in the room by reading for an hour and a half and the half hour it took to hook me up with all the electrodes. I looked like a character from Star Trek. Kind like a Romulan (I can't spell it!). But instead of bumps, there's electrodes. The last picture in the row below was either taken by me in my sleep or the technician when he moved it...... I don't know.



Sy, the guy who hooked me up, was really nice. He had a heavy accent so sometimes we did not understand each other, but we got through it fine. The other guy there, I didn't catch his name, surprised me when he woke me up. Like usual it didn't feel like I slept much at all. I didn't mean to grill him, but at one point when he was unhooking me, he said, "Stop trying to trip me up." Not in a mean way. I understand though, the technicians aren't supposed to give you a diagnosis. All he told me was that I sleep better on my right side (something about not having weight on the heart (that doesn't sound good) and that I did have trouble breathing). I am to contact the doctor in 7 working days and I have another appointment in a week and a half. So now I wait, try to sleep on my right side and try and not fall asleep at work.

But tonight my original sleeping problem is kicking in; insomnia. After fighting sleep all day, now that I am home, can I sleep? Hell no.